Imagine Your Reality

My ex-wife recently moved out and I’m in the process of re-arranging my much emptier home as a result. It’s actually quite a liberating experience and one of the things I’m working on is re-arranging my business space. And as I’m doing this I’m getting an opportunity to evaluate and re-arrange my business as well as the space in which it occurs in.

I’m an advocate of evaluating and re-arranging business. I actually check my business plan every three months to see what I’m doing well and what can be improved on. By doing that I’m able to focus my efforts and get some results that improve my business. And what I’ve noticed with my business and other peoples’ business is that there is always a need for improvement and for re-arrangement of priorities.

It’s easy to get away from looking at what you need to improve in your business. you get caught up in the daily grind, get focused on customers and then at some point feel dissatisfied with your business and wonder how it came to be that way. But that’s why its important to mark on your calender, every three months, a day that you will spend focusing on analyzing all of your business activities and looking at where you are strong as well as what needs work.

To me such a day is a time for reflection as well as analyzing my business. I reflect on what I’ve learned in the past quarter, and also reflect on what makes my business something I want to continue to do. I know I need to spend time thinking about those things as well as analyzing my business. analyzing tells me what I need to work, but reflection tells me why I’m still doing this business as opposed to something else.

What about you? Do you make time to re-arrange, analyze, and reflect on your business? What do you learn?

Justin Kistner of Webtrends posted about the new Facebook Like buttons, which are set up so that if someone clicks a like button on your website, they are sharing their personal data on Facebook with your business. The business can then post a message to all the people who chose to like something. In other words, you no longer have to “like” a business page to be reached by that business. As long as you like a product or service the business has, then a business can choose to send a message to you, even if you never liked the business page. And while this is seemingly marketing heaven, it also shows that Facebook once again has been very short-sited (pun intended) in understanding the social implications of their changes.

To be fair, Facebook has definitely capitalized on the psychological manipulation that is involved in using the like button. They undoubtedly reason that if a person chooses to push the like button about a service or product on a business webpage, then they will be accepting of being contacted by that business. There are two problems with that reasoning however:

1. The like button doesn’t use double opt-in, which makes it spammy. How we know that Facebook isn’t using the double opt-in feature is simple. Once you click the button you’ve given permission for a business to contact you. But with double opt-in, what should happen is that the like button is pushed, and a small window opens asking the user permission for the business to contact. If and only if the user clicks a second time indicating that it’s permissible for the business to  contact them, then it actually be said that the like button is not a spam feature.

2. Facebook shares the user’s private data with the business. Given how much outcry has already occurred about how Facebook has intended to share user information with third parties, this move demonstrates that Facebook isn’t concerned with user private data. The fact is, Facebook has already moved into the gray area of sharing user data with third parties.

And there’s a third problem, namely that Facebook is trying to capitalize on the psychological benefits of “like” This is blatantly manipulative on their part, because what it assumes is that just because someone indicates they like something, then that means they wanted to be contacted about it, when in fact they may simply like something, but not want to be contacted. By making that assumption Facebook is risking a lot of user ire and unhappiness. And eventually users will go elsewhere. Justin Kistner thinks Twitter has a good shot at being a contender to Facebook, and I do as well, because there is not near the amount of privacy issues with Twitter as what has occurred with Facebook.

The other day on Linkedin I read an an interesting question about business policy vs free speech as it applies to social media. The text of the question is below, as is my response:

Today’s business mantra is “Always Be Connecting.” And the tools –linkedin, twitter, plaxo, blogs, online discussion groups, online communities, etc.– are flourishing. However, in many business organizations, we find a reluctance to let employees use these tools unfettered.

What’s your take on this issue: Should organizations let their employees have access to social media? Why or Why not?

This is a complicated issue. On the one hand allowing employees to communicate via social media can be an excellent strategy for producing buzz about your business, but on the other hand employees can easily waste a lot of time and sometimes even offend clients because of their activities.

The solution is for companies to engage in using social media, but have clearly defined policies that spell out what appropriate behavior is on social media, as it pertains to the company and representing it on the web. These policies also need to explain how much time can be put toward social media. Finally, while businesses need to accept that social media is something their employees will use, employees also need to understand that it shouldn’t replace workplace productivity.

Also what employees need to recognize is that what they say on social media sites can impact the perception people have about the company. On the other hand, if they have legitimate concerns about the company they may find that social media is an effective leveraging tool to get the company to address those issues. Businesses need to make sure they address employee concerns effectively, and also make it clear that social media isn’t the forum for discussing issues about the company or the clients of the company. It’s a tough issue because the business can only monitor what their employees do, in the end.

The best social media policy for a business to adapt is one where only the people who need to use social media use it, and otherwise the employees stay focused on doing their jobs and sustaining the business, while the business also makes sure to take care of those same employees

I met with Justin Kistner of Webtrends for lunch and we got into some interesting discussions about social media, etiquette, and behavior. He made a really good point that etiquette is based around social norms and conventions, but behavior isn’t always based on those norms and can sometimes make a person stand out. There’s certainly some truth to that observation. The question that comes up however, is how do you make sure your social media behavior is successful, where even if it violates the norms, it interests people enough to overlook that violation and/or even shift the norms to that behavior?

I’m thinking here about the occasional game or contest that is used by a company or celebrity. Sometimes this social media behavior is successful, especially if not done in excess and other times, when it is taken too far it becomes annoying to people and the backlash ends up making the behavior unsuccessful.

As a business plans its social media campaigns what needs to be kept in mind is that whatever is done needs to not violate the norms so much that people end up ignoring it and/or labeling the business as spammers. Successful social media behavior may not always be in line with etiquette, but it does keep the etiquette in mind and respects the power of that etiquette.

So what makes successful social media behavior? Something which isn’t overly spammy or advertising, which offers a benefit to other people, and makes it fun to get that benefit, and mostly importantly doesn’t go overboard with the message. The tendency to try and push a message out as much as possible is what ends up creating unsuccessful social media behavior. Plan your time for sending the message and you will get people interested in what you have to offer. Plan your frequency around that time, but don’t overdo it and people will accept it. Offer something of value and people will accept if you break a few norms. But do it with recognition that overdoing it will kill your campaign.

Over time I’ve developed an in-take process for potential clients that also serves as a filtering process. It filters out prospects that don’t fit my business model or otherwise could be problematic to work with. Recently, I advised a client to create his own filtering process, so that he could use it to determine a viable client from someone who might otherwise use his time and resources up.

The point of having a filtering process is that it enables you to protect your valuable time and resources for the people who are willing to pay for them. A filtering process is a policy that defines what qualifies someone as your client.

The first qualification is the need the prospect has. The prospect wouldn’t be meeting with you if s/he didn’t have a need.

The Second Qualification is if you can actually address the prospect’s need or need to refer him/her onto someone else.

The Third Qualification is that the prospect is willing to commit/pay for your services. If the prospect hedges on this qualification, then s/he isn’t ready to buy. By hedging I don’t mean asking questions, so much as I mean that the prospect finds the idea of spending money to be problematic. If that’s the case, then instead of trying to convince him/her to do so, simply let it go.

The Fourth Qualification is that the prospect is willing to commit to the necessary time and effort involved in doing their part to make the process work. If I’m hired, one of the things I do is provide accountability for the client’s efforts to integrate what I’m helping them do into their business structure. This means the client has to do some work. If this is intimidating to a potential client, it may be that s/he isn’t ready to go ahead with the proposed work. This needs to be respected, but also serves as a qualifying point.

There can be other qualifications as well. The ones I mention here are part of my filtering process. It’s important you develop your own process so that you can simplify your client intake process and keep your resources for the clients that need them.

Over the last year or so I’ve noticed how the I-phone and various other cell phones which offer applications that allow you to text your twitter, Facebook, and other social media sites have become increasingly popular. Many people use them to keep their social media sites updated.

I have a confession to make.

I don’t have one and I’m not really eager to get one. You might think as a social media coach that I should have one of these phones with all the fancy gadgets, which makes it the social media equivalent of the Swiss Army Knife, but the reason I don’t have one is pretty simple. I like having boundaries around everything I use or do. To me, it’s more important to have a regular cell phone, with nothing fancy, and have some clear boundaries around its use, then to have it with all the gadgets. Granted I know I could set it up so that I could only send messages on it, but even then I feel like I’m compromising on my boundaries. I want to participate in social media, but I also want some boundaries on that, some moments, where instead of interacting with a digital world, I’m focused on interacting with where I am.

Do any of you put boundaries on your social media usage, and if so what are they?

This last week has been so busy with networking, I only caught up with my email today, as well as several other projects. The truth is that while I think email is a wonderful method of communication, it can also easily eat up a lot of time, which could otherwise be used more productively. There are times I occasionally dread opening up my email inbox, because I know there will probably be a lot of email and while I can get rid of a lot of it pretty quickly, there is always some that needs to be addressed at length.

So what do you do if email is consuming your life, if you find yourself spending more time than you want on email? I’ve found the following tips to be helpful when dealing with email that’s consuming your life.

1. Create a Spam Email account: Use this account for your online purchases, as well as for setting up social networking profiles. All of the spam email that gets generated from shopping online or being involved in social networks can go to that email address. I check my spam email address once a day and it usually just consists of me scanning the email for anything I need to know and then deleting it. Takes a few minutes.
2. Set aside specific times of day to check email: The temptation of keeping your internet browser up and running with access to your email can be overwhelming, especially if you are worried you’ll miss that important email that needs a quick response. The problem with that approach is that it puts you on someone else’s schedule. If you are feeling overwhelmed by email pick a time or two times during the day where you will check it and respond and then only check it at that time. For the rest of the time you can create an auto-message that tells people that you’re busy with business or some reason.
3. Create specific email accounts for specific purposes: I mentioned the spam email account earlier, but it’s also useful to create multiple email accounts for different purposes. For example, I have one email account for family, another for friends, and another for my business. By partitioning my email accounts into specific groups, it’s much easier for me to manage my email time. Additionally by keeping separate accounts I’m able to also keep business information separate from personal information

Your email account shouldn’t run or control your life. By learning to manage you time on it as well as creating accounts for specific purposes you can spend more time focused on other activities and still keep in touch with the people you need to be in contact with.

Next week’s radio show is with Lisa Hanna, the Mistress of Money and Mole of Management! This week’s radio show didn’t happen, because I was overwhelmed…appropriately, today’s blog focuses on that topic.

What to do when you feel overwhelmed by running your business

There are days, like today, where I feel as if I’m running around trying to bail water out of a sinking ship with a pail full of holes. Ok, that’s probably a little melodramatic, but sometimes I really do feel overwhelmed by running a business. There are so many things you need to do and only so much time to do it. And if you’re like me and you have a to-do list, it seems like everytime one item is crossed off three more appear to take its place.

Very quickly, a person can feel overwhelmed by running  business and this can lead to burnout fairly quickly. So what do you do to avoid that, to recover , recharge, and refresh?

First, recognize that everything you think you need to do will still be there the next day, if it isn’t done today. It won’t go anywhere, and in fact, you know you’ll eventually get to it.

Second, if you can afford it, hire an intern to do some of the busy work for you…or develop some strategies to cut down on the time you spend doing busy work. For instance, check your email only twice a day, instead of once every hour.

Third, give yourself time off…whether it’s part of an evening, or a weekend camping trip. Go somewhere, do something else, get away from your office…You need time to do fun activities, and that means leaving your office.

Finally, be gentle with yourself. Don’t judge yourself if you don’t get everything done. Appreciate what have you gotten done, and put the rest aside until the next day.

You’ll feel less overwhelmed and more focused if you can give yourself time off.

Upcoming Event

Bravo Portland, Association of Bridal Consultants, Imagine Your Reality Business and Writing Coaching, and Black Belt Business Solutions Present:

Why do I need Social Networking for my Business?
Yes, you can do it less than one hour a week.

Social networking is a hot topic in businesses today. Many of us are not sure how it helps grow our business or acquire new clients or where we will have the time to add one more thing to our hectic lives. However, one thing is for sure, if we don’t come and find out, we will never have answers to these questions.

In this program, Taylor Ellwood will explain what social networking is, why it’s important to be on these sites, and how it can benefit you and your business. Hew will explain how to automate your social networking presence so you only need to spend one hour a week and still have time to run your business and live your life.

In this class, you will learn:

What Linkedin, Facebook, Biznik, Twitter are and why it’s important to be on these sites or some of them.

How to get clients and business from these sites.

How to automate your online presence so are spending minimum time and effort, yet getting maximum returns.

What a status bar is and why it’s a good idea to update it regularly.

How these sites can be used to obtain recommendations and testimonials from your clients.

The do’s and don’ts of Social networking and how to maintain a professional profile on each site.

Taylor will not only explain, but also demonstrate the benefits of social networks, and show you how you can attract more clients to your business.

Date: Thursday, May 7th 2009
Time: 11:30am to 2pm
Price: $35.00 per person (Special pricing due to sponsors listed at the top)
Location: Bravo Conference Room, 630B Street
Lake Oswego, or 97035

To register call Denise from Bravo @ 503-675-1380 or email: denise@bravoportland.com

Check and credit cards only please, when rsvping.

“Love is the truth of who you really are” Ptaah

 I came across this quote on Sunday night. I was meeting up with some of the people from the Baraka institute, and I’d gotten some constructive feedback for my future website. I hit the home button and was directed to a page where this quote was displayed.

Right now I’m doing a year long dedication to the value or element of love in my life, so finding this quote was indicative of a lesson to be learned from it. I’ve been learning a lot of lessons about love, since I started my year long dedication in October 2007, but there’s still a lot to learn, and the lessons are…quite challenging. 

I hadn’t exactly been in touch with the truth of who I really am. Over the last few years, I’ve been doing a fairly intense regime of meditations, which has helped me uncover a lot of who I am, but really being in touch with the truth of who I am…that’s something I’ve only really begun doing recently, both in terms of pursuing life coaching as a career path and in terms of starting to honestly communicate with myself about what my values are, what I want, and whether I’ve really been living a life aligned with my values. 

The truth of who you really are. When I think of that, I think of a book I’ve been reading lately, Finding your own North Star. In it the author discusses the social and essential self. The social self is the self who lives according to what society wants. It’s the self, which is concerned with social consensus, and everyone being happy and agreeing with what you do. The essential self, on the other hand, is your values, your desires, what sings when your following your calling. It’s the self that you really are, the self that provides you a sense of mission.

These two selves are important. The essential self is important because it provides your values, your calling, your sense of identity as it applies to fulfilling those values. For instance, my pursuit of life coaching is a recognition that as a career it is much closer to my essential self, than say a career as a fast food worker or a corporate lawyer. Neither of those jobs would bring any sense of fulfillment to my innermost values, though those jobs might do that for other people. The social self is important because it helps you navigate the social realities you are in, finds people who can be important to you, and provides a sense of belonging. The two can be successfully balanced, though to do so, you really need to listen to your essential self, and help your social self find the people who are in alignment with your values and can be supportive, as well as sometimes constructively critical, albeit with an open mind, and no assumptions made in offering the criticisms (This ties into an essential skill of life coaching, which is the skill of not knowing, more on that in a bit).

If love is being in touch with the truth of you who really are, then to me it seems that love, at least as it involves self-love, is recognizing what your values are and how they inform your actions, both towards yourself and others. While love is an emotion, it’s the action one takes that really defines the truth of that emotion, or rather what it means to feel that emotion. It’s not enough to say you feel an emotion, because anyone can say it. It’s the actions that occur, which really determine if the emotion is felt. Until you can demonstrate these actions towards yourself, it’s likely you won’t feel self-love and there’s some truth to the concept that if you don’t love yourself, it’s hard to love another or be loved by another.

When I think about love, and being in touch with it, I think of my choice to pursue certification of life coaching as an example of taking action to get in touch with my essential self. Instead of continuing to pursue a career I don’t feel very enthused about, I’m choosing to get in touch with my inner values, and find out how I can manifest those in my life. I’m choosing to engage in a genuine relationship with myself and find out what actions I need to take to really manifest that love in my life that shows me I’m in touch with who I really am.

But I think this principle of action as it applies to emotions is also integral to relationships you have with other people. If I feel love for someone else, am I automatically in touch with who that person really is? Not necessarily. I could have an idealized perspective about that person.

And this is where we come back to the art of not knowing. It’s very easy to make judgements about people or situations, especially if you only have partial information. Those judgements can also lead to assumptions, to thinking you know more about a situation or a person than you do. And sometimes because you do love someone, you might expect that person to be in touch with you, to know how you feel or think about a situation. In the end, however, those assumptions can lead to problems, because chances are the person isn’t as in touch as you think, not because s/he doesn’t love you, but because s/he simply isn’t you and if most of us have trouble being in touch with ourselves, just imagine how much more trouble we have being in touch with each other.

The art of not knowing is the recognition that you can never know everything about a situation and the only way you can get more information is by asking with an open mind, instead of making assumptions. This asking of questions is an action. It is an action that shows a curious, open mind, but also a desire to understand what the other person is feeling and thinking. Further actions can follow, in a manner that allows each person to demonstrate the emotions felt, and more importantly get in touch with the truth of the self and the truth of the other person.

Are you in touch with the truth of who you really are? If so what actions are you taking to demonstrate that truth?

One book I’m reading on life coaching is called Mastering Life’s Energie by Maria Nemeth.
In this book, the author presents a scenario where a person is driving on the road in a wall of fog and doesn’t realize that he or she is on the wrong side of the road. The author then presents techniques for getting rid of the fog and getting back on the right side of the road. Some of those techniques involve changing how you think about situations, creating an ontological awareness as opposed to a psychological awareness. The ontological awareness looks at the state of identity, of who a person can potentially be, as opposed to who s/he has been.

Along with some other techniques, I’ve been trying out an ontological approach to life, to help me reorganize some of my thinking on issues. And it’s proven useful. By thinking about what I am willing to do, for instance, I’ve cut down on internal resistance to some situations. By taking an ontological approach I’ve looked at the potential of myself and others to grow, as opposed to focusing on the faults.  It’s a luminous way of thinking and one I’m adapting into my life…and the fog is lifting accordingly.