Ugliness and Beauty: Two sides of the same coin.
I read a post recently, about an acquaintance of mine, and her realization that some parts of her are ugly. She, with the help of several people, faced that ugliness. Her courage was inspiring and as I reflected on the words of that post, I began to think about ugliness in general.
It is very easy to get caught up in the surface appearance of a person. I have met many people who appear beautiful, but also have a lot of ugliness or a lot of negative traits they hide. In this culture, we are encouraged to seek the beauty and ignore the ugliness, both in people around us, and within ourselves. This conditioning even impacts people to the point that they’ll get embarrassed if someone hears them fart. We are taught to avoid ugliness, to avoid anything we associate with ugliness. How many times have you averted your eyes when you’ve seen someone that you consider to be fat or ugly? Beauty is treated as a holy grail and it has become an obsession to the point of self-consciousness, unhealthy eating habits, and other self-destructive choices, all done to preserve the illusion of beauty, both external and internal.
There is something ugly about beauty itself. When we hold beauty up in a manner that doesn’t allow us to recognize the “ugliness” within ourselves, we must question whether that ignorance is really beautiful. Think about what you consider to be beautiful. Ask yourself why it is beautiful and what has taught you that what you see is beautiful.
Now apply those questions to yourself. Why do you consider yourself to be beautiful? What is it about you that captures that essence of beauty?
Once you’ve thought about that for a bit, consider asking yourself what you consider ugliness to be. then ask yourself what you consider about yourself that is ugly? How have you embodied that essence of ugliness?
You may find that the answers to your questions for yourself show two different sides of you, but remember that the answers do reflect who you are. More importantly though they also reflect the values of the culture you live and how much you subscribe to those values. If, for instance, you find yourself thinking that you are fat, you might want to step back and ask yourself where that thought is really coming from. Who told you that? Why did they say it? What are they comparing you to? What does it mean to you to be fat? Does it really matter, and if so why does it matter? All of these questions and many more are good questions to ask when you find that you are labeling yourself.
Finally, there is something to be said for embracing the ugliness of the self. Three years ago, I woke up one day and realized I didn’t know myself or like myself. I decided that I would mindfully be present with what I didn’t like, with my “ugliness”. I began doing breathing meditations, designed to help me dissolve internal blockages and behavior patterns. I found that as I began to dissolve a lot of pre-patterned behavior, it no longer seemed ugly, so much as it seemed to display a lack of awareness. I could forgive myself for that lack of awareness, because I knew that even though I had done actions I was ashamed of, I also knew I wasn’t consciously aware of other choices that were healthier. It was only be acknowledging my ugliness that I could begin to mindfully recognize and realize better choices and manifest those choices into my life. Those choices haven’t made me more beautiful, but they have helped me recognize how I can change my life in a positive manner.
Beauty, whatever it is. Ugliness, whatever it is. Whatever…I choose to manifest a life where I mindfully recognize that I can make choices and in making those choices, choose to act on what I feel in a healthy way that affirms everyone, but most importantly recognizes that self, who may not be beautiful, but who is satisfied to know that he can be more than beauty or ugliness. He can be mindfully aware of himself and celebrate that awareness with others.
Categories: Blog
Tags: beauty, Life coach, ugly
